Uncertainty....
by Mayumi
Summary: this is about Koshino, searching love, in which he found in his best friend... and you have you read it to find out what's next.... OKAY!!!! and I NEED you to read and REVIEW!!!! please.... I beg you..... I cannot change for the better if you don't....


Koshino's POV  
  
I don't know how to love him  
  
What to do, how to move him.  
  
I've been changed, yes, really changed.  
  
In these past few days when I've seen myself  
  
1.1 I seem like someone else  
  
Lately I had been thinking of only one man, Sendoh Akira. I had not only start thinking about him but I think I'm feeling for him. I *know* I'm feeling for him. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I should say. I'm his best friend, it wouldn't be right, would it?  
  
It's because of him I'm not myself lately. Normally I would be doing productive things, like doing my homework, play basketball, help Ayumi- chan, do something else, but now all I do is stare. Stare at his picture, stare at the wall, stare at my books, STARE. And I can't do anything but!  
  
I'll have to tell him! I have to tell him now or else my head will burst!!!  
  
Sendoh's POV  
  
I don't know how to take this  
  
I don't see why he moves me  
  
He's a man, he's just a man  
  
And I had so many men before  
  
In very many ways  
  
He's just one more  
  
Should I bring him down?  
  
Should I scream and shout?  
  
Should I speak of love-let my feelings out?  
  
I never thought it'd come to this-  
  
What's it all about?  
  
Don't you think it's rather funny?  
  
I should be in this position  
  
I'm always the one that's been  
  
So calm, so cool, no lover's fool  
  
Running every show  
  
He scares me so.  
  
I never thought it'd come to this- what's it all about?  
  
What is it about my best friend? He's handsome, he's really nice, caring, sweet, and loving inside the gruff exterior, and he *sigh*, I don't know what he has. So what is it about my best friend?  
  
I've had so many men before. I've had a lot of boyfriends! I can't even count them anymore! I just have them for necessity of having someone around but this is not the necessity, the need to have someone just there. I need him. I need his love. I can't do anything but I need his love. *Argh* This is so frustrating.  
  
Sometimes I think that I should just let him down, bring his self- confidence down… even a bit. Sometimes I feel like I should just scream at him! Tell him I love him, shake him and let him see my existence, at times I want to write in a journal, but that never works, I always lose my journal. A date book but then he'd see it!!!  
  
I didn't think I'd have these problems!!! I don' know what to do!!! I really don't!!!  
  
Doesn't it seem funny, I'm in this position right now? For me. It was never supposed to be like this. I'm always the one controlling. Never letting my defences down in a relationship… Did it happen that I lowered my defences for Koshino? How did that happen without me knowing? I don't know he scares me… Now I decide to go and watch TV. so I can take my mind off him… his sew… not that again…  
  
2 Koshino's POV  
  
Yet, if he said he loved me  
  
I'd be lost, I'd be frightened.  
  
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope  
  
I'd turn my head, I'd back away,  
  
I wouldn't want to know-  
  
He scares me so.  
  
I want him so.  
  
I love him so.  
  
Okay, I have to tell him… if he's the one who tell me he loves me I just can't cope, I won't know what to do!!! I need to know that I'm on top of this situation… That I can do this. But if he told me he loved me and not the other way around I'll just back away, I won't think it's true, especially with all the people he'd played with… Now I really have to tell him.  
  
I'm going to ring his doorbell. I am, oh look, my finger's pressing it…  
  
Sendoh's POV  
  
Huh? Someone's at the door? At this hour? Who could it be?  
  
Koshino's POV  
  
Come on open the door.  
  
" Koshino?" the surprised call of Sendoh answered.  
  
" H-hi Sendoh, can I come in?" I asked, not noticing that my feet were numb, oh, I did notice that…  
  
" S-sure Koshino" Sendoh stammered… why?  
  
" Thanks…" and as he led me to a seat held my arm to force me to sit down and asking me what I wanted I blurted out…  
  
Sendoh's POV  
  
" I love you," I was startled, this coming out from Koshino.  
  
" Huh?" I asked, still not registering fully.  
  
" I… LOVE… YOU," Koshino said slowly, letting it sink in, blushing his way while he let me catch a momentum. Then in a flurry of surprises he…  
  
Koshino's POV  
  
… I kissed him, he was standing there looking adorable and I kissed him. I couldn't help it… and in that brief moment that our lips touched I felt little jolts, electrifying me and I saw fireworks in my eyes, I didn't know that it was supposed to be like that…  
  
" K-koshino…" he stammered once more.  
  
" Fine, if you don't accept, I'll leave then," I said standing up not hiding the disappointment and anger. You ungrateful person…  
  
" W-wait," he said weakly.  
  
" What?" I snapped, " It's not enough that you break my heart, you rub it in my nose too," I said angrily, the momentum catching up with me.  
  
Sendoh's POV  
  
I heard what he said and was devastated. I don't know it just shattered me, it hurt so much.  
  
" N-no," I tried to say but he was long gone.  
  
And seeing him go like that, it hurt.  
  
Koshino's POV  
  
Hmph. Sendoh! What is it about him? I already told him I loved him. He didn't give any reaction! Just a silly 'wait' and no more. Do I have to prove that I love him? Cause I will, if he just said it. I'll do anything for him… say it and it would have been his. He didn't have to just turn a cold shoulder cause it sure can be freezing cold, that shoulder of his.  
  
So what should I do now? (No really… I don't know how to finish this) Well I don't know how to prove it… Hmm… maybe… yes… maybe it'll work…  
  
The next morning…  
  
Sendoh's POV  
  
Hmmm… that freshman's pretty cute… hey! What am I thinking about? I should be thinking of Koshino… but that freshman really is cute and that ass… *shakes head* bKOSHINO/b not anybody else!!! Just Koshino!!! This is a big problem…  
  
Oh wait that's him now… hey he's running off. *frowns* Do I run to him… try to catch up? Nah! He'll come around right?  
  
This is really creepy though… Koshino won't be running away from me… even if he was embarrassed… that's not him at all…  
  
3 What is he doing?  
  
Koshino's POV  
  
It's almost show time… I need to relax… It's just in front of Sendoh and the whole school… so good though of the principal to have an assembly… being an officer and all…  
  
Okay… breathe in and breathe out… breathe in and breathe out…  
  
" Koshino-san?" I heard Aida's voice coming through the halls.  
  
" Hai?" I said turning around.  
  
" What did you call the assembly for?" he interrogated.  
  
" Ah… um…" I stuttered, now I'm feeling a lot flushed… think Hiroaki… think! " It's ah! Really important stuff… to be revealed only in the assembly…" I said… snapping my fingers… something I have never known I could ever do before.  
  
" Ah…" Aida said satisfied.  
  
Then he went away. I sighed in relief.  
  
Sendoh's POV  
  
Hmm… I didn't know there was an assembly today… hmm… what is it all about?  
  
" Sumimasen, ano, Megumi-san?" I tapped the girl. She turned visibly surprised.  
  
" Nani, Sendoh-kun?" she asked still shocked.  
  
I gave her my most dazzling smile and asked, " Can you please tell me what the assembly is all about?"  
  
" Eh?" she said looking confused. " Oh! That one…. Koshino-san called for an assembly… I don't know what he has to say though. It's really an unprepared one. I wonder what he has to say…" huh? When she said Koshino I was lost… what did she say?  
  
" Arigatou," I said and then flashing her another smile I made my way to class.  
  
Hmm… an assembly. What does Koshino want that needs an assembly? I mean sure, he's an officer and all but hey, it was an 'emergency call'. I better wait.  
  
Later… at the assembly…  
  
Koshino's POV  
  
Okay this is it. No backing out now. I'm going out… breathe in… breathe out… breathe in… breathe out… breathe in… breathe out… breathe in… breathe out…  
  
Okay… this is the time I tell Sendoh Akira that I love him… I will tell the whole school I am in love….  
  
Breathe in… breathe out… breathe in… breathe out… breathe out… eh? That's wrong… Breathe in… breathe out… I'm ready…  
  
Sendoh's POV  
  
Okay… the assembly is starting… Well, I'm pretty nervous. I don't know why I am but I am but I am. I think I'm nervous cause I'd hardly seen Koshino the whole day… even in class…  
  
Oh there he is, carrying a chair, and a guitar? And a mike… this means it won't be a normal assembly then.  
  
It's starting…  
  
" Hello, you've all been wondering why I decided to have an assembly, when there's possibly nothing to talk about ne?" he started. " Well have anyone of you decided that you are in love? Can you please raise your hands?" he said with a slight smile… and I heard the girls at my side sigh. I raised my eyebrow. He's pretty famous… I smiled.  
  
Normal POV?  
  
" Well?" Koshino asked. A few hands were raised.  
  
" Just this few? I'm really very sure that all of you think that you've been in love." He said with a slight smile and a little smugness. His anxiety not showing at all. Then more hands raised, then more and more till the whole assembly raised their hands, even the teachers. Koshino smiled, truly smiled.  
  
" Wasn't it a beautiful thing to know that you we're in love?" he asked, a few agreeing murmurs came. " Well, people hurt because of it too ne?" he asked again and a wistful look came to his face, many girls sighed.  
  
" Well, you won't believe it. I'm I love." He said with a glorious smile on his face. A lot of girls gasped at this, they won't have a chance though.  
  
" And I composed a song, for this special someone," he said gently, " oh and everyone who like this song, please do tell me, I need to know," he added with a sheepish grin.  
  
Then picking up his guitar, he sat down on the chair, positioned his fingers and began to strum. After playing the beginning chords, he opened his mouth and sang.  
  
I never believed that love was real  
  
I never knew that it was true  
  
I never felt like this before  
  
And yet something tells me that I love you  
  
I know that you try to tell me what love is  
  
I know that you want to make me understand  
  
But how can I say something that I don't believe  
  
Can you make me understand?  
  
I never knew that I could feel this way  
  
I never even tried to think that I could  
  
And now I believe that impossible dreams come true  
  
Cause you made me love you  
  
I never really wanted to love somebody  
  
I never really believed it  
  
I wanted to say that it was just a big joke  
  
Until I found you  
  
I didn't want to say it  
  
I didn't think it was a worth try  
  
But I fell in love and I fell hard for you  
  
And now I open my eyes and see  
  
And now I'm a believer  
  
I trust in you  
  
I want you to know  
  
That I love you  
  
And after that, there was thunderous applause, not only because of the wonderful soulful voice that sang the song but also for the imminenent love that was heard through his expressive tone.  
  
Now one question lies, who was he in love with?  
  
4 After basketball practice…  
  
Sendoh's POV  
  
Is the whole school yearning to know whom Koshino loves? I mean of course they would want to, but is it that of a big deal? *looks around the gym, sweatdrops*  
  
" Do all of you need to be here?" Uozumi-sempai roared at the whole school. Some looked intimidated but most people knew there was strength in numbers. *sigh* Do they *really* want to know who Koshino loves?  
  
Koshino's POV  
  
I am getting very irritated. Very, *very* irritated, everywhere I go there's somebody who wants to ask who I love. Is it really that big of a thing? I mean, sure, I'm the least likely person to fall in love, I mean I am cynical, and sarcastic but so? Everyone falls in love. I'm not the only one… hmm… maybe I should fulfil everyone's wishes. Later… I'll show them.  
  
AFTER AN HOUR OR SO  
  
Practice is almost ending and people are still watching us… me. Well now I really have to end my presentation.  
  
I gently grasped Sendoh's arm and he looked down.  
  
" Hai, Koshino?" Sendoh asked.  
  
Then my grasp on his arm became harder then I grabbed his head swiftly and I kissed him. It was a long one in which our lips just touched nothing more nothing less but I still felt that electrifying feeling and I still saw fireworks, like it was our first time… and it felt so good.  
  
5 Sendoh's POV  
  
He kissed me again. I guess he was tired of all the people staring. I guess he was *very* tired from the people staring, otherwise Koshino would not do this. And I guess that what happened last night, was the best stupid thing I've ever done or Koshino would have never been so aggressive.  
  
The kiss was simply put, bliss. Of course it was a simple kiss, just a pure one, nothing more, nothing less, but it mede me feel warm and electrified from inside. I was as if there was something shocking me, and it made me feel really alive and it warmed me up. I never felt like this before, even after all those boys and girls I've dated. I must be really in love to feel like this.  
  
And then I heard thunderous applause roaring through the gym.  
  
When we parted everyone was still cheering. I smiled my smile and Koshino blushed.  
  
Then he held my hand and whispered in my ear, " I love you."  
  
6 Koshino's POV  
  
There I said it… again.  
  
Then he tightened my hand, smiled and whispered back.  
  
" I know, I love you too," and the next thing I knew I was so overjoyed that I kissed him again, he happily returned it. And I am happy to say that the electric feeling is still not lost, and I hope that it will never be.  
  
~OWARI~ 


End file.
